This week in our major cities, strangely dressed fanatics took over the streets, and I wondered when this madness would end. Yep, the newest iPhone had arrived and the Geeks and Trendies were out in force trying to snag one.
Whoopty flamin’ Doo.
Now, I happen to be the part owner of an iPhone, as earlier this year Long Suffering Wife bought one to replace our old mobile phone, aka: The Radiation King. “Well, what do you think?” she asked, noting that for five seconds after the great unveiling I still hadn’t moved a muscle.
“Why is it pink?” I asked.
“You’re always complaining how anything coloured black or grey is too hard to find.”
I shrugged, “Fair enough. Can I have a go?”
“Of course you can,” she said, slipping the phone into her handbag. And that was as close as I got to ‘our’ new phone. So I decided to go and buy my own.
At the shop a smiling assistant wandered over to where I was standing with my finger in my mouth, and I pointed to an iPhone. He looked me up and down then asked, “Are you sure mate?” in the same tone of voice used to talk people down off tall buildings.
I pointed to a competitors’ phone, and he shook his head slightly. So, I waved my hand around trying to judge from his expression if I was getting Hotter or Colder. He nodded enthusiastically as my hand stopped over a dust covered model with big, bright, colourful buttons; basically, the sort of phone Forrest Gump would desire.
Now, there are people covered in home-made tattoos, with less teeth and chromosomes than me, happily using smart phones, but for some reason I was being shown a phone that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Fred Flintstone’s house. I returned home phone-less.
And every night I sit in the lounge room surrounded by my family, their faces bathed in the glow of their iPhones, iPads, and iPods, and my attempts to communicate with them with sounds from my mouth are being pointedly ignored, which is making me rather iRate.
So if I wish to reconnect with the drooling iZombies in my own home, then sooner or later I’m going to have to line up to get myself one of those stupid smart phones!