This week I’ve been struck down by the dreaded ‘Lurgi’ and for the good of the company have been sent home to recuperate. I just wish the people who have spent the last week sneezing and coughing all over me had been so considerate…
The Plot: Lurgi, for those of you who don’t know, is the disease made up by Spike Milligan for the Goonshow on BBC radio. In the episode ‘Lurgi Strikes Britain’… the first, and chiefest, symptom of the disease was an uncontrollable urge to yell, “Eeeeeyuckabee!” almost continuously, rendering the victim helpless. Anyone within earshot is immediately infected and the cries of “Eeeyuckabee” are heard almost everywhere.
The Thot Plickens: In the show, mass panic ensued, and the hero, Neddy Seagoon, led the charge to promote a cure given to him, and only him, by the cunning Gritpype Thin, and Dr. Moriarty. When asked by Seagoon why he (Gritpype) didn’t rush to Parliament with news of the cure (and gain fame and fortune for himself), Gritpype responded with the totally plausible excuse (???) “I can’t… you see… I… I’m…, married.”
Seagoons response, “Oh! I’m… I’m so terribly sorry… I didn’t know.” So it was up to Neddy Seagoon (single man of destiny) to alert Parliament to the good news of the only known cure for ‘the dreaded Lurgi’.
The cure: Well, it appeared that anyone who played in a Brass Band was immune to the disease.
The result: The British Government ordered millions of pounds worth of brass band instruments from messr’s Boozey and Gawkes, who immediately air dropped thousands of crates of trumpets, tubas, saxaphones etc. to a grateful British public.
The conclusion: It turned out that Gritpype Thin, and his devious sidekick Moriarty, were actually the owners of a certain brass band instrument making company, Boozey & Gawkes, and had actually made up the disease (Lurgi) in order to sell millions of pounds worth of instruments. Neddy, the public face of their scheme (aka ‘the Patsy’), ended up on the run after being charged with causing a mass panic.
Of course, nothing like that would happen in this day and age would it? It’s a good thing that we aren’t easily panicked like Chicken Little into believing that the sky is falling.
I’d hate to think what life would be like if we were…