Daily Archives: June 21, 2009

Shipping Auditors Report

Name of Ship:  The “Greg Bray”

Ship Type: Standard cargo vessel.  Slightly wider mid-section, caused by overstocking on too much unused fuel.   

Engine:  Solid and reliable, reasonably well maintained, but has been run hard at times.  Runs well on good fuel, but will perform adequately on ‘rubbish’ for very limited amount of time, after which the engine will need purging and cleansing to remove harmful deposits and sludges.

Overall Ship Condition:  Some fair wear and tear, and minor damage from previous journeys where storms were encountered.  Some damage caused by neglect, or unexpected complications encountered during slightly rough passages.    

Multi Purpose Cargo Ship


 Skipper – Captain Brain is well seasoned, knowledgeable, insightful and has proven to be an excellent all rounder, and a reliable pilot for the ship, avoiding many close calls with destructive reefs and rocks.  His career has been slightly clouded by several groundings on the sandbars of negativity, the mudbanks of apathy, and the shoals of self doubt, and while he is careful to steer clear of these hazards, tends to fall prey to them when tired, overworked, or stressed.  Fortunately he has an experienced crew on hand to assist him, and on a number of occasions has been ably aided by passing vessels, many of which have since joined his fleet.   

First Mate Needs – Low maintenance, and easily satisfied; a pleasure to work with.

Second Mate Wants – Has caused trouble in the past, has a niggly, whiny voice, and can often be at odds with Needs, and must be reminded of just how well off he is to prevent bouts of envy.  Has calmed down, and is at ease with the rest of the crew.  

Chief Engineer Motivation – has some talent, and is at times extremely eager, but relies on praise, and a steady stream of positive input to keep the ship running on all cylinders.  Performed poorly in the past, but has pulled himself up by his bootstraps and is a joy to have on board.  Highly recommend the Chief clarifies his focus, as he can take on too many goals at once, which has caused some despondency in the past, resulting in him ‘dropping his bundle’.  Otherwise, is a solid performer and a keen self starter.   

Able Seaman Desires – hopes one day to go from being a mere cargo vessel worker to putting in some time on a pleasure cruiser, visiting exotic and exciting ports.  Needs to organise his future plans or will find himself stuck in a rut. 

Able Seaman Skills – has some talent, and is keen to be put to use, but is easily diverted by trifling distractions, and has, on some memorable occasions, been hijacked by Pirates wanting to use his particular abilities for their own selfish ends.  Advise for continuous development and motivation of this crew member, because if you don’t use him, you’ll lose him.  Some extra discipline won’t go astray either.   

Able Seaman Experience – has proven very useful to have on board, and seems to improve with each passing year.  Though, in the past has caused bouts of panic when regaling the rest of the crew with old tales of bitter events and closely avoided destruction.  Has been instrumental in almost ruining several journeys’ before they even started.  Was recently retrained, and now bears the motto over his bunk, “Worry about it when it happens!” 

Able Seaman Emotions – a generally happy-go-lucky sort of chap, but requires time alone on a regular basis to avoid being worn down, and feeling used up.  Is learning to think before acting or talking, and has taken some extremely positive steps to decrease severity of mood swings.  No sign of ‘Victim Mentality’ (aka: ‘Burning Martyr Syndrome’) evident during this inspection, a marked improvement. 

Able Seaman Cookie – has been retrained and is now providing the crew with a much improved diet, having modified food preparation and cooking methods to the delight of the entire ship.  Some poor foods were found in the galley, and his alcohol usage, while severely reduced, has caused problems in the past.  Captain advised to keep a close eye on this crew member.    

Rough Crossing

Suggested Improvements:    The vessel is currently dragging a number of large anchors, which are affecting the ships handling, performance, and fuel usage.  The following anchors are placing undue stress on the hull and the engine, and need to be removed, or reduced in size immediately:  Harmful Self Talk, Idle Distractions, Poor Choices, Slothfulness, Indecision, Anger and Fear.        

It is to be noted that several anchors which had been holding the ship back have been removed and have markedly improved the ship’s operation, in particular Old Grudges, Jumping to Conclusions, Poor Listening, Overthinking and Interrupting.  It is hoped that with further work on the remaining anchors that the ship will perform to it’s specified abilities in the very near future. 

Note:  The following anchors have been safely stored on board – Family and Friends. 

Conclusion:  The ship, if well maintained, should have many years of service left in it.  At this point it is being used for carrying some heavy loads on odd shifts, as well as making some small runs and pleasure journeys.  It is capable of longer more hazardous journeys, which should be undertaken before it gets much older, while it is still flexible enough to withstand heavy seas and strong winds. 

Changes to the superstructure, notably the removal of some excessive weight, and strengthening of the framework, have increased the life of service of the ship.  Improvements to the engine have improved the running, endurance and range of the vessel.  Toxic emissions have also been significantly reduced.  We advise the continued use of the correct fuels, and regular ‘runs’ to keep the vessel in ship shape condition in order to be ready for when it is finally given orders to complete it’s first long awaited journey. 

It also is recommended that the Captain and Crew continue to be given regular leave and leisure time to prevent stress, irritation, and aggravation.

 Altogether, the “Greg Bray” is a fairly happy ship.          


 Messr’s Lock, Stock and Barrel.


Filed under Life & Thoughts