Mondays’ Column 25.01.10 – Gay Ol’ Time

I wasn’t sure if this column was ever going to be used… but here it is.  I was a bit surprised to see that they had edited the part about Long Suffering Wifes’ response.  Anyway, have inserted the edited sections in italics.  Cheers,  Gb.

One of funniest skits on the TV show ‘Little Britain’ is when the outrageously dressed Welshman cries: “It’s lonely being the only gay in the village!” as he struggles to hold the pub door shut against a mob of gay people clamouring to get in. 

Recently, some people in our town were delighted to discover that they weren’t ‘the only gay in the village’, while others were stunned to learn that, not only do we have gays in our village, they also wanted a nightclub. 

A little research revealed that the average percentage of gay biased folk in most communities is approximately two percent.  But I think what these figures actually revealed was the number of people who were honest enough to admit to a researcher that they were in fact, gay.  My investigation was interrupted when Long Suffering Wife strolled by the computer and stopped dead in her tracks.  “Um, is there something you want to tell me?” she asked eventually.    

 “Just gathering some data for the column dear,” I replied as I scribbled frantically away. 

  “Bit of a sensitive subject isn’t it?”  she said in a worried voice. 

“Don’t worry little mate,” I answered, patting her arm in a reassuring way, “I’ll treat it with my usual tact and sensitivity.”  She tottered off for a lie down as she had suddenly come over all faint.   

Anyway, if the statistics are to be believed, then Gladstone could potentially be home to nearly one thousand gay (Rainbow Folk), and I wondered why I didn’t know any.  Or perhaps I do…  And there’s the problem; it’s not something you can actually ask someone is it?  Not unless you’re seeking the sort of response which may quickly turn violent.      

Obviously I’m not the only one who has difficulties knowing who is and isn’t gay, thus the calls for a ‘Pink Nightclub’, for people who want to hang out with like-minded folk, comparing designer clothes while sipping expensive cocktails.  And if the stats are correct, then the venue may need to be much bigger than first thought, and will require a lot more little paper umbrellas than is currently available in our town.

But, I’m very cynical when it comes to statistics, particularly since the 2001 Census, when over seventy thousand Aussies claimed to be Jedi Knights.  Can you believe that?!  Some of them may be living in our town!  You may even be working alongside one, but who would know?  Maybe one day they’ll have a club too, where they could meet, socialise, and compare light sabres.  Until then, all I know is; ‘It’s lonely being the only Jedi in the Village’.

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