We at Bray Manor are not big on celebrating Halloween. Having spent all year shooing children out of our yard, we’re not about to suddenly reward them with lollies for interrupting our evening TV viewing, just because they’re dressed as monsters.
Plus, any kids thinking of plastering our Plasterboard Palace with eggs, or similar projectiles, had best do so from the safety of fast moving, heavily armoured vehicle, because my counter-strike will be swift and devastating.
Is it just me, or does anyone else think it’s strange that our children are being encouraged to take unregulated foodstuffs from complete strangers (aka: our neighbours) on this one night of the year?
Like most adults, I’ve learned to control certain impulses in order to remain in polite society, but each Halloween, the practical joker in me is sorely tempted to stand at the front door cheerfully doling out chocolate laxatives to unsuspecting kids.
Anyway, for those of you still interested in participating in yet another American money spinning racket, the big selling costumes this year are the ever popular Batman outfit for boys, and the skimpy Miley Cyrus Halloween costume for girls.
Knowing that there are parents out there happy to let their daughters roam our streets dressed like a Pop Star / Hooker certainly sends cold shivers down my spine.
But this Halloween, if you want to create maximum terror with minimum effort, get a few of your friends together, dress up as Outlaw Bikies then knock on the Premiers’ door. I personally guarantee you’ll hear hysterical screaming; just before the Bikie Swat Squad drops you like a schoolbag on a Friday afternoon.
At that point you’ll learn two things: people who live in constant fear have no sense of humour, and not all monsters are imaginary.
Have fun Kiddies!