Debt Blowout! Financial Emergency! Budget Disaster! Economic Crisis! These were a few of the terms Long Suffering Wife threw at me recently when I asked about the state of our bank balance.
You know, I’m starting to think our fiscal situation is slightly shaky.
A quick session with the calculator revealed that while things weren’t great, they certainly weren’t disastrous. But, like our political masters, I thought I’d capitalise on our alleged monetary woes and introduce some severe belt tightening measures; for everybody else.
First I slashed our Birthday and Christmas present expenditure, then cut all donations; charity begins, and now stays, at home.
Electricity is to be used only for essential purposes; fortunately my beer fridge counts as a maximum priority, urgent, necessity.
Long Suffering Wife will work until she’s seventy, then retire to become my full-time, unpaid carer, plus day care facilitator for the grandkids (also unpaid).
Visits to the doctor will be cut to one appointment each per year, regardless of how sick or unconscious anyone is.
The dogs shall forage for their own food, and family holidays will now involve tents.
I upped the kids’ allowances by ten cents a week, and was outraged when the little ingrates asked for more! So, I removed their fridge privileges for six months, then informed them they’ll be funding their own school trips.
Their appeal to Grandma is scheduled for next week.
But until things turn around, possibly in six to eighteen years, no one is to even think about asking for a new car, new furniture, new i-Thingies, or new clothes. Although, I am prepared to discuss the purchase of a new boat for vital ‘on water operations’.
My final tough choice was to reward myself with a hefty bonus for being so shrewd. Well, it’s all ‘abbott’ doing what I ‘Can Do’!