It started with one dripping tap, which soon became three dripping taps and a blocked toilet cistern. What should have been a quick five minute job rapidly degenerated into a knuckle bleeding, hysteria filled marathon.
You see, like Unicorns, Jedi Knights and a compassionate refugee policy, there is no such thing as a ‘Five Minute Job’.
An hour later I splashed my way through the hardware store munching on the sausage sandwich I’d bought on the way in, picked up a truck-load of parts and another sausage sandwich on the way out, then drove slowly home. Hopefully, by the time I got back, the worst of the flooding would have subsided.
Along the way I cheerfully beeped my horn and waved at the Clean Up Australia Day volunteers, and carefully pointed to any rubbish they had missed; I like to help wherever I can.
You see, the only thing that multiplies faster than a dripping tap is litter. One small bit of litter will quickly transform into a pile of rubbish, and before you know it, you’re town resembles a Manila tip.
Anyway, I fixed the taps, installed the new cistern, turned on the mains water and to everyone’s surprise nothing leaked! Unfortunately, during the tap testing demonstration, our shower head exploded. I had a brief and pointed discussion with God, then drove back to the sausage sandwich store again.
On the way home, I noted what a wonderful job the Clean Up volunteers had done. ‘Good old Gladstone civic pride!’ I thought, as I wiped my sauce stained mouth across my sleeve.
The shower fixed, I strolled outside to hose the garden. Next to the dripping front tap was a napkin that looked exactly like the ones they wrap around sausage sandwiches. Honestly! Where does this stuff come from?!