Pro Clothes Shopper

Do we have one of these shops in Gladstone?!

Do we have one of these shops in Gladstone?!

To the untrained eye it may appear that I purchase my clothing second-hand, or shop exclusively from the bargain bin at The Dishevelled Gentleman, but this is not the case.  I do buy brand new clothes, usually every three or so years; whether I need to or not.

One must keep up appearances.

But on the weekend, while putting on my favourite t-shirt, I was dismayed to see my hand tear through the fabric with the ease of Mike Tyson punching through fairy floss.

After reverently tossing the shirt into the rag box, I announced it was time to buy some new threads.  First stop was the beer fridge, because if there’s one thing I hate doing, it’s clothes shopping.

While I sipped, the Eldest Princess rattled off her time tested clothes shopping tips, which I’m going to share with you:

  1. Tie your hair up, and remove any clips.
  2. Wear a ‘flowy’ dress, or skirt, so you can lift it up to try pants on.
  3. Don’t wear makeup, because it ‘smooshes’ onto the clothes.
  4. Take off all your jewellery and anything else that might catch on clothing.
  5. Wear slip-on footwear, no laces or buckles.
  6. Carry a small purse, not a big bag, to prevent being searched each time you leave a store, which chews up valuable shopping time.

And Long Suffering Wife added, “Wear underwear.  Clean underwear!”

Armed with this information I eventually drove to the shops, took one look at the Christmas carpark nightmare, then detoured to the beach where my faded shorts, holey t-shirt, battered hat and mismatched thongs looked quite normal.

So until the Christmas shopping frenzy dies down, I plan to hang out in places where my ratty rags will blend in; the shed, fishing trips, hobo gatherings, and any pub bistro in Gladstone.

1 Comment

Filed under Gladstone Observer Columns

One response to “Pro Clothes Shopper

  1. Cheryl Hopins

    So that’s why you turned up at GCMG Christmas breakup looking like you did.! love your daughters don’t forget to wear your flowery skirt when you eventually go shopping. and let me know so I can come and take photos..

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