Clearly, the signs are all around us; jet trails criss-crossing the sky, dead patches of grass at the Marina parklands, yachts laying idle in Auckland Creek, and a sluggish feeling in the air as the good folk of Gladstone recover from a week of partying. Yes, it’s time to start PEE’ing! Ie: Post-Easter Exercising.
There are several reasons for starting our New Years’ exercise regimes immediately after Easter:
1) It’s cooler. Seriously, in January you can get heat stroke just from falling out of your hammock and crawling to the beer fridge.
2) You can stuff yourself with Dagwood Dogs, chocolate, hot chips, and soft drink at the Harbour Festival and not feel the slightest bit guilty, because you know you’ll soon be PEE’ing it all off.
3) By Easter most of the New Year hopefuls have long since given up, or died of heat stroke, which means fewer people clogging up Gladstone’s footpaths, parks and gyms.
So, starting this week, I’m going to spend quite a lot of time PEE’ing all over Gladstone on my trusty pushbike, Pubtruck. Should I survive the first month, I’m toying with buying a whizbang, head down, bum up, racing bike. And while it would be nice to ride a bicycle capable of passing little old ladies walking their poodles, it will also mean wearing the uniform of the boy racer; a snug fitting, lycra body suit.
The sight of a slightly porky, middle aged man strutting about in skin tight, brightly coloured lycra apparel is something no one should have to see; except for Long Suffering Wife… because it’s part of her job.
But when I mentioned my plan to her, she PEE’d herself. “Listen!” she cried, rising off the couch like a missile, “We have to live and work in this town, so can you just think of your family for once before doing certain things?!”
Well clearly, if I do don the lycra, I’ll have to PEE off somewhere else; unless I cover them with POO, ie: a Pair Of Overalls.