Women of the World! U-knit!

In last week’s column I outlined the difficulties of being a modern man, and being an equal opportunity columnist, this week I’m going to sink the slipper into the fairer sex; again.

Not so long ago, women in this country were treated like second class citizens.  Well, third class if you consider that most blokes put their cars, or dogs, before their wives and girlfriends.  It’s nothing personal ladies; you see, we’re idiots.

But great strides forward were taken for women’s rights during the 70’s and 80’s.  Sadly the fight didn’t quite make it as far as the right to equal pay, which is a pity, because it costs a fortune to be a woman.

Clothes, deodorants, accessories, trinkets, and everything else with the word ‘Feminine’ in it, are roughly double the price of men’s’ products.  Except haircuts; those are four times dearer.

And after years of campaigning against magazines featuring heavily touched photographs of models with the body fat of stick insects, many bra burners are now purchasing push up bras, or lining up for implants to overcome the effects that gravity has had on their chests after all those free swinging years.  Not that I’m complaining mind…

So today’s women are still victims of social pressure to hide things; particularly their age, weight, blemishes and body odours.  As a result, their bathroom shelves, cupboards, and any spare space around the sink, are crammed with lotions, potions, creams, oils, removers and restorers.  While all the shampoo, conditioning and skin care products a bloke needs are conveniently packaged into a single cake of soap, usually stored on the floor of the shower basin.

Then there are the horrors of female ‘problems’, which I think are an inability to parallel park, failure to comprehend the offside rule, and limited access through the glass ceiling of male dominated upper management levels.

Women can recall where everything is stored around the house, shell out big $ for clothes they’ll only wear once, know their children’s blood types, and spend far too much time assessing their relationships.  While men tend to focus on their next meal, fishing trip, or if it’s too early in the day to start drinking.

Of course I may be completely wrong, but I’ll never admit it; but you already knew that, didn’t you ladies?


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