I’m never going to be whistled at in the street, or have pretty women yell out sexually suggestive comments as I sashay by. And Hugh Heffner is never going to pay me to take my clothes off, (by the way, Hugh if you’re reading this, I’d like the photos back please).
When I’m at the park with the kids, I get suspicious stares, or evil glares, from passers-by. Well, I’m sorry, but I waited for my turn on the swings and I’m damn well going to play on them!
If I flirted with a female cop to avoid being given a ticket, I’d probably get arrested, Tasered, shot, or worse; laughed at.
Each day as a man I live with the threat of physical violence; in nightclubs, pubs, supermarket aisles, or simply by walking into the kitchen and explaining to Long Suffering Wife how she could do the dishes more efficiently.
The majority of men will spend most of their lives working to support their families, or their ex-families and replacement daddy’s sports car repayments.
Then there are the horrors of PPPS: Perpetual Peter Pan Syndrome. This is a rather tragic disease which affects all men to varying degrees. The symptoms are fairly easy to spot; the sufferer appears to be in a constant state of age denial.
PPPS victims suffer from the mistaken belief that their bodies will perform like it did when it was eighteen years old. Just mix a mid-life crisis with some serious motorcycle horsepower, and bones that have the flexibility of ceramic tiles, and you’ll get an inkling of why men don’t live as long as women.
In spite of all the above hardships, we brave males manage to soldier on day after day; well, obviously with a lot of help from the good folk at the bottle shop. But it’s better than the alternative, isn’t it ladies? And I’ll have a bit more to say about the fairer sex next week, if I can find a company prepared to renew my life insurance.