The bottle of wine cost more than my weekly wage, so I read the label to find out why. Well, I scribble some nonsense in these columns, but whoever wrote the drivel on the back of that bottle made me look like a rank amateur.
Intrigued, I spent the rest of the afternoon pawing through wine racks, reading labels and laughing my head off; which didn’t make me very popular with the folk at the bottle shop.
Since then, I’ve been ‘Wine Labelling’ everything, and here’s my handpicked selection for the political connoisseurs among you to enjoy:
Campbell Brothers’, Sparkling Newman: a blue ribbon white, created exclusively for mining magnates. Opens with a bang, but may quickly go flat. Does not sit comfortably in its’ green bottle, and will react violently if mixed with reds.
Forked Tongue Cellars, Anna Bligh Shiraz: a pale pink which produced some unpleasant surprises leaving a bitter aftertaste. Stock obsolete.
Cardie Chardies, Gillard Merlot: A tricky blend of reds and whites packaged in a wide bottomed bottle. Unique accent. Serve with stuffed duck.
Mad Monk Vintners, Abbot Blanc: Grown in an exclusive, non-climate changing environment on the far right side of a hill overlooking a surf beach, the sour grapes have resulted in a harsh palette that won’t suit most tastes.
Passé Port Plantations, Rudd Red: A high flying vintage which travelled extremely well. Has since been recalled by its’ makers and placed on a back shelf away from the light.
Mad Dog Breweries, Katter Claret: An outspoken white, with a strong nose, which will suit independent tastes. Chill to prevent foaming.
Way Out Farms, Bob Brown Burgundy: A mellow red in a deep green bottle. Special herbs added to enhance the fruity, yet retiring flavour.
Millstone Holdings, Craig Thomson Riesling: A cheeky white, enthusiastically squeezed by scantily clad ladies. Teflon coated bottle may have a very short shelf life. Union Shopper credit cards welcome!
Slipper-ee Slopes, Champagne Pete: Once flavour of the month, but lacking popularity now. Expensive hand written labels recently removed & stock recalled.
‘Barnay Point’ Exports, Greg Bray Passion Pop: A cheap but cheerful plonk, usually drunk alone, but can be enjoyed with various mixed nuts. Cheers!