Today Queenslanders decide which politicians will be booting us up the backside for the next four years, and their advertising executives have been working a lot of overtime lately conjuring up more negativity and spin than a category five cyclone.
Now, there are roughly four groups of voters, but only one is the focus of all these cynical commercials. It’s certainly not Group One, The Idealists, who carefully study the policies of each party, then vote for the candidate they think will best represent their electorate. At last count, there were about seventeen of these people left in the state, so this faction doesn’t even register on the ad agencies’ radars.
Nor is it Group Two: The Clapping Seals. All political parties have these hardcore followers who will only ever vote for ‘Their’ party. Advertisers also ignore this group, because even if the party put up a toilet brush as a candidate, The Clapping Seals would still vote for it.
Group Three voters are the Fringe Dwellers; the conspiracy theorists, crystal worshippers, and other minority groups like the Guns and Dope Party, which no sane politician wants to appeal to. Ad agencies like to use this lot to frighten swinging voters back to the Big Parties.
Swingers make up Group Four, the folk who usually flip a coin in the voting booth to decide who they’ll vote for. This is the mob ad companies want! To reach them, politicians need to find increasingly outrageous things to say about their opponents, and you may not believe this, but sometimes they have to make stuff up!
They’re desperate to keep Swingers licking their chops for more juicy political gossip, otherwise these fickle voters will quickly return to following the superficial antics of the New Royals; the Kardashians.
Sometime tonight we’ll know which ad company came up with the best campaign. And in spite of all the negativity, I still have faith in my fellow Queenslanders. Well, not the voting public, but the ordinary people doing extraordinary things every day to make our State a better place to live in; regardless of who is in power.
But to be honest, I’m actually going to miss the political commercials, because they’ve been the best laxatives I’ve had shoved down my throat for some time.