The aim of this column is not to inform, educate, or motivate you into becoming a slightly better person. Nor am I here to blow the lid off City Hall, expose Gladstone’s seedy underbelly, or tell you who is on the take, on the make, or which accessories will be fashionable with cheap rubber thongs this year.
If that’s what you are looking for, then boy, have you come to the wrong place!
The Editors, who I’ll refer to as ‘they’ from this point on, (handily providing me with another useful four letter word) had initially titled this column ‘The Lighter Side’, and I’m still unsure if this was a reference to how it should make you feel, or a direct insult to me.
And having kindly provided me with some space in their paper, they are now watching on in horror as the monster they’ve created rampages towards the unsuspecting villagers.
The funny thing is, when I tell people I write a humorous column for the paper, their first reaction is to fold their arms and say, “Yeah? Well, go on then, make me laugh.” At this point I’ll rattle out the one joke I keep memorised for such occasions, only to see it fall flatter than my wheelbarrow tyre.
For some reason I tend to get a lot more laughs from strangers just by leaving my house wearing, what I think, is a pretty snazzy outfit.
But there is something magical about humour, be it a witty one liner, a well told joke, a political cartoon, or a little column whose main aim is to help an overweight, middle-aged man, who lives a daily delusion that he is much younger, fitter, smarter, and funnier than he really is, deal with everyday life here in Gladstone.
In other words, this column is my therapy.
And if by some miracle you do happen to find something funny, insightful, wise, or shrewd in my scribblings, then please share it with me, because it will be nice to know that I’ve brightened your day. Even if it was unintentional.