Daily Archives: July 4, 2011

First Aid Frenzy

I don't even want to ask how this injury happened...

Do you have any idea of just how many ways you can be hurt, injured or killed?  I do, because I’ve just finished a First Aid course.  By the time I got home, my anxiety levels were so high, that just watching Long Suffering Wife open the fridge door was enough to make me break into a sweat.

We humans have a real talent for harming ourselves in the most fascinating ways.  It’s like we’re determined to prove to a gobsmacked Universe just how hopeless we are at staying out of trouble.

So, after eight hours of listening to lectures, watching stomach turning videos, and tongue kissing a CPR dummy, I arrived at two conclusions; ‘nowhere’ is completely safe, and  Mother Nature doesn’t like us very much.

If you’re not careful, she’ll burn, freeze, drop, starve, stab, poison, drown, bite, crush and sting you in a variety of horrible ways.  I’ve often wondered why we refer to her as a ‘Mother’?

As I was mentally crossing the beach, the bush, in fact anywhere beyond my letterbox, off my list of places to visit, I was told that things are actually more perilous inside our homes. 

Our living spaces are death traps.

Then I recalled how I broke an arm playing backyard cricket, and got savagely mauled in my own kitchen after making, what I thought were, quite witty remarks to a certain person at the wrong time.

Accidents with furniture, cutlery and alleged labour saving devices, are too numerous to mention.  Then there were all the catastrophe’s involving renovations, car repairs, and attempts to cross darkened rooms littered with sharp edged plastic blocks.

And that’s the problem, I’m the dummy who usually gets hurt, and Long Suffering Wife hasn’t got a First Aid ticket.  Although she has cheerfully assured me that if I do get seriously injured, she’ll quickly put me out of my misery, and after a quick visit to the Merry Widow Insurance Agency, will spend several months aboard a cruise ship mourning for me.

This may explain why I seem to be experiencing an abnormal amount of near misses around our house of late…

So, I heartily recommend everyone learn First Aid, and there are plenty of training mobs in Gladstone happy to help you, just look in the phone book under ‘Neurosis’.

Remember, the life you save could be mine; or someone you actually like.


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