Banking Blues

It’s a week late, but here it is 🙂

Last week the Commonwealth Bank of Australia, lifted its’ interest rates, and quite a lot of people got upset.  But has it occurred to anyone that the CBA may actually be the victim here?  Seriously.

Just imagine for a moment that you’re the Chairman of the CBA.  It used to be known as The People’s Bank, but you secretly call it The Sheeple’s Bank, a little private joke which you share only with your wife, your mistress, and your chauffeur.

As part of your job, you meet regularly with the heads of the other three Big Banks, and even though they’re in direct competition with you, you discover that they’re not a bad bunch of chaps, even if one of them wears dresses, and another one happens to be a woman.  An English woman!

Anyway, last week the Reserve Bank, before popping off to the horsies in Melbourne, decided to lift interest rates well ahead of Christmas, so they wouldn’t have to put up with all those nasty comparisons to Scrooge, or The Grinch, from the media. 

You immediately met with your chums from the other Big Banks and they suggested an immediate rates hike; a big one.  Actually, a very big one.  Secretly you were shocked, but chaps must stick together, even the one in the dress.  So you popped back to your office and made the outrageous rates announcement, completely confident that across town, your bestest buddies were doing the same thing.  Sadly for you, they weren’t.

So now you look like a greedy monster and ‘The Sheeple’ are bleating for your blood.  Your politician friends are threatening you with the ACCC but this doesn’t worry you, because you saw how effectively they reined in petrol, grocery and electricity price fixing.  In desperation you jet off to Tahiti for a couple of weeks with your family, mistress, and polo pony, until the media uproar dies down.

What truly upsets you as you try to unwind in eight star luxury, is the fact that your three banking peers have made you the biggest ‘Patsy’ in the biggest fiscal practical joke ever seen in Oz.  And right now they are sniggering in their sleeves at you; even the one who wears a dress.  You can no longer trust them.  And if you can’t trust bankers, well, that places you amongst The Sheeple, and that really, really hurts.

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